I contacted Nick Farr of trekclimbskinepal.com.au in Australia the other day to ask him a question. It’s a question that’s been slowly festering at the back of my mind for over a couple of years and bit by bit making its way forward. A question that has been ever present, lingering in the background, waiting patiently and unasumingly for the right time to emerge . The answer, I know, could make me depressed, worried, lonely, knackered, cold and homesick, but most of all elated, happy (a most under rated emotion, I find) and inspired. Could ‘the answer’ be the closure I’m looking for, I doubt it, if it is I probably shouldn’t be asking it. I should instead be sitting in my rocking chair with pipe and slippers reminiscing of the ‘good old days’. I want to create those memories and not die with dreams.

But the answer comes at a price and is it worth paying. Anguish, selfishness, doubt, tears, fear and pain, both physical and mental are all part of that price along with awe, comradeship, memories and an inner joy that’s impossible to convey. But still those negatives loom high, constantly battling for that centre stage. Maybe I ought to analyse the negatives: –

• Anguish: to suffer or acute distress, is that what makes ‘the question’ so appealing in the first place – no, as no one actually wants to suffer or cause themselves acute distress, but then, isn’t the hardship that ‘the question’ implies, part of the joy that comes with the memories?
• Selfishness: concerned, primarily with one’s own interests, I believe that there is some of that in all of us, but that takes me back to the anguish ‘the question’ might cause to the people who I love and love me. Selfishness is a hard one and a difficult one to justify.
• Doubt: a feeling of uncertainty, I’ve always believed that it’s something to be overcome and to be used as a positive rather than a negative.
• Tears: grief and sorrow, homesickness is what I suffer from most. It’s a very strong emotion, for me dwarfing doubt and fear and I know that ultimately ‘the answer’ will cause that gut wrenching feeling that only homesickness can bring.
• Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined. Interesting definition. One thing always springs to mind when this emotion takes hold – Dune and ‘Litany Against Fear’. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. ‘Frank Herbert’. For me it’s the simplicity of the litany that is so appropriate.
• Pain: a physical or emotional suffering. I’m not keen on either, but that’s life.

So that’s analysed the negatives, my conclusion, more thought and discussion is required.

Do I need to analyse the positives, no… that’s why they are called positives and positives are indubitably good!

I can hear you saying ‘the question’, for goodness sake, what was the bloody question?:

On the Summit of Mera Peak – Everest in the background

Hi Nick ‘ARE YOU ORGANISING A TRIP TO CHO OYU IN THE AUTUMN OF 2017?’